I have about four posts sitting in draft status that I can't quite finish. Because I don't really know how. Everything has been extremely up and down lately. I say extremely and mean it, to it's fullest definition.
Our whole adventure, all of the reasearch, all of the phone calls and conversations regarding getting an evaluation for Big Jay have put me in such a state that I am so anxious anymore about it, I am just struggling. Based on all of our conversations and all of his behavior and the.. well, just everything that has happened recently, I am so happy that I was finally able to schedule a preliminary evaluation next week for him. What that means, though, I have no idea. I am guessing it's just to collect information and documentation to determine which specialist to send us to for further evaluations. Which is a start, but. The ups and downs are exhausting to everyone involved - B and I, the school, and all of those that spend any time with us, really.
It's hard for me to reconcile how, on Monday we had the worst day with him that I can possibly remember behavior-wise... yet on Tuesday he had a fantastic day at school and at home and was all smiles! and giggles! and obedience! and happy-pants! It's enough to make me crazy, quite literally.
But, we are making progress and moving forward to determine what is next. As I said, he has a preliminary evaluation next week. We are also going to meet with the preschool to come up with a new behavioral plan, at the very least until we get some kind of feedback from the evaluation. There is also a counselor available through the preschool that we are probably going to work with in some form additionally.
Prayers are appreciated and welcomed. I'm putting it all in His hands... at least trying to, it sounds much easier than it is. I told B a few weeks ago that if, by the end of this year, we have a clearer understanding of Big Jay and how his mind works, and how to get through to him... I will be so thankful I don't even know that I can express it. That would outshine any financial gain, or anything else, that I could ask for.
I love my son more than I can possibly describe in a blog post. Obviously. I am anxious at the possibility that there is something going on within him that I just don't yet quite understand. I am also anxious that maybe this whole thing is a fluke, everyone that we've spoken to is wrong, and, Lord help me, we are just miserable failures of parents and this is all my fault! Or even the possibility that it is a combination of both. Who knows. But what I do know? There is a happy, funny, smart little boy in there, whether we can see him at all times or not... and that I'm willing to go through whatever evaluations, classes, million dollar therapy, or other suggestions are offered to try to get him out and do whatever I can to give him what he needs.
